thankfully three months

14373344150_b3141e1db9“Let’s do 3 months. I’m sure you’re sick of me.”

We both chuckled. Then sighed.

It could be worse (it could always be worse). I’ve seen the doctor every other week for the past few months. In all honesty I would like to say that it’s nothing too serious. But, that’s the reason why there are multiple visits; we’re trying to figure it out. Between trips to her office, the blood labs, the ultrasounds and MRI/MRA, I’ve seen and spent more on healthcare these past few months than I have in the past five years… combined.

And, for someone who abhors going to a doctor, of any kind, this has been nerve-wracking. To say the least.

She know’s I’ve been on edge. She’s been great about it, taking time to explain and answer any questions. Probably the best general physician that I’ve ever had. I definitely feel like a person versus a chart with a number, which is how I felt with every other doctor.

So, after scheduling my next appointment (three months from now), I thanked her. And, though things still need to be identified and figured out, I am thankful.

Checking in from stay-cation (I hate that term)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ptaillon/14360094908/player/

Just checking in during my vacation (stay-cation, really). Am I enjoying myself? Sure. This isn’t necessarily how I wanted to spend my week off but, I am working to make the best of it. I really wanted to escape and disappear. Perhaps next time.

Playing (local) tourist does have its advantages. We’ve been showing the brother in law all of the sights and sounds of the South Bay. It forces us to get out and spend time at attractions near home. I keep forgetting about the Korean Bell of Friendship, in San Pedro. This time, visiting had a different meaning to me, reminding me very much of my time in Korea last year.

I’m also spending time reading and photographing. Love the increased reading. Frustrated with the photography. I’d like to blame the camera but, realistically, it’s me. I need to get back into the groove.

Checking in from stay-cation (I hate that term)

14360094908_8c756578e7_mJust checking in during my vacation (stay-cation, really). Am I enjoying myself? Sure. This isn’t necessarily how I wanted to spend my week off but, I am working to make the best of it. I really wanted to escape and disappear. Perhaps next time.

Playing (local) tourist does have its advantages. We’ve been showing the brother in law all of the sights and sounds of the South Bay. It forces us to get out and spend time at attractions near home. I keep forgetting about the Korean Bell of Friendship, in San Pedro. This time, visiting had a different meaning to me, reminding me very much of my time in Korea last year.

I’m also spending time reading and photographing. Love the increased reading. Frustrated with the photography. I’d like to blame the camera but, realistically, it’s me. I need to get back into the groove.

The 37th year

12703457074_372903a1b2_mThe answer to the previous post is a resounding “No!”

The 37th year of my life begins today, and with it comes a new project. And, as many times as I’ve started and stopped a Project 365, this is the year I am determined to see it through. Titled “37 265” the hope is to chronicle this coming year with at least one photo per day. Will it be riveting? Will it be interesting? Will it be filled with fantastic photography? The answer is a resounding “No!”. That said, you can view the album here, on Flickr. Or follow along on Instagram.

I’ve given a lot of thought to my life and the changes I would like to make. Everything points to keeping my life simple, uncomplicated, and moving forward. And so, each goal that I’ve set is based on at least one of those three criteria.

And yes, there will be more photography. Onward!

Do I need to stop envisioning myself as a photographer?

Continually attacked by the ebb and flow of confidence and self-doubt, I find that I’m burying myself further into the weeds concerning process. Artistic process? No, I don’t think this is what it is. I think it’s more of a stall tactic. I think that, instead of forcing myself to go out there and create; to go out there and “do”, I narrow my thoughts to identify and definition. I have it backwards. I’m trying to define before I create whereas, it should very well be the other way around.

So, why stall? What is it that I shy away from, opting for procrastination over production?

That’s the question I should be trying to answer.

 

Friday randomness

Warm ups

After going all week without coffee*, I made a pot this morning. It was a surprisingly, and unintentionally, weak pot of coffee. I’m not sure how/why I did that. Perhaps it was done subconsciously?

The 2014 LA Galaxy schedule is really strange, with very few home games the first part of the season. It felt really good to be at the game on Wednesday and, I’m really looking forward to Sunday’s game. It’s good to have the team home.

Six different people, on at least six different occasions, have talked to me about stress, recently. Two of them are family members. Two are coworkers. Two are medical professionals. Perhaps they’re trying to tell me something? I really wish I could figure out what… Kidding, of course. I need to take some measures to address it. This is a much longer post (some other time) but, I’m beginning to realize how high my stress levels have been for the past seven years. Pretty dang high. And, I’m realizing how bad it was to ignore it for that long. Not just on the physical health side but, emotional health as well.

Related: I need to pay closer attention to things like this.

I’m finding myself increasingly fascinated with grizzly bears. I don’t have any explanation for that. Strange, I know.

* I’m drinking a lot of green tea now, both in the mornings and the afternoons. I just feel better when I’m drinking tea. I love the taste of coffee but, I can’t ignore how much better I feel when I don’t drink it.

Do I need to stop envisioning myself as a writer?

I always imagined that I would become a writer. I envisioned my life with a pen and a notepad always by my side. I knew that whether I became a novelist, script-writer, or journalist, that I would always be… a writer. Like every writer, I have notebooks (and countless computer files) full of poetry and half-baked stories with no endings (or middles for that matter).

I always believe myself to have a “higher” appreciation for writers, and their work. My love of music goes far beyond rhythm, melodies, and refrains. I admire songwriting above all of those. I think this is why my music tastes have always spanned across genres; I don’t care what category it fell into as I was always more concerned with the writing*.

So, what’s the point in this post? I’m not sure. This has been on my mind, lately. More often, I’m finding myself lost in thought trying to identify why and when I stopped writing as much as I did. I try to remember what was going on in my life; what made me stop taking that pen and notebook out to parks and beaches, just to write? And, I try to figure out ways to get myself back into the habit.

Is blogging going to hurt or help? Should I get back to keeping a journal? Have I lost the ability to… well, write?

This morning, I asked myself, “Do I need to stop envisioning myself as a writer?”

I don’t want to.

 

*One of the things I miss about having a CD collection (all of my music is digital) is looking through the album notes and, reading song lyrics as if they were poems. Even when I got rid of the CD cases, I still kept the notes, like books on a shelf, just to keep the lyrics.